Title: Someone Wake Me Up
Jensen Inside ‘verse Summary: J2. Jared and Jensen have just about everything running smooth and perfect. But something inside Jensen is going to shatter, whether Jared acknowledges it or not. And when it does, there’s no telling how or when the fragments will be reassembled. Here is their journey towards wholeness in 73 parts.
Rating: PG-13
Overall word count: 163,500

NOTE: triggers. Depression, suicide, selfharm, etc.

  
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It’s not as if he just woke up one morning and suddenly felt this way. He knows that’s not possible. Something has to have triggered it. It’s like a slow leaking, oil slipping into the sun, stealing the light. The strange thing is that nobody else can see it happening, nobody else notices any change, so Jensen thinks that maybe it has just been that sudden, maybe he simply hasn’t noticed – he is pretty distracted. By Jared. By everything.

Every breath that he has to take to survive, he breathes with a conscious effort. When Jared kisses him he has to make himself feel it. Sometimes he succeeds, and those are the good days. He thinks back to their first kiss, round the back of his trailer at work. He remembers Jared’s thumbs against his hips, hard and wanting, possessive. He can think back and see the bruises Jared left on his skin, how they hurt like only pleasure on the edge of pain can hurt. How Jared put his hand over Jen’s mouth and warned him to shush or someone would walk round and see them, and he was grateful for that because his breath against Jared’s hand warmed his numb lips so they were burning with the rest of his body. But he can’t imagine feeling that anymore. He can only know what the numbness feels like.